Snowflakes and Stetsons Read online

  He didn’t argue with her. She was perfectly capable of making her own decisions and getting around the city. “I’ll let you know when I know something.”

  “Even the smallest detail,” she told him. “I want to know everything.”

  Once he agreed, she moved to the door and let herself out.

  Jonah had never felt empty inside, like he did at that moment. He was a loner, and he liked his life that way. He always had a plan and a ready solution, but he couldn’t fix this.

  He needed to wrap things up here and get back to his job.

  Chapter Twelve

  Meredith experienced an unfamiliar melancholy. Deliah sensed her need to talk and sat quietly while her daughter explained every detail of what had happened during their entrapment aboard the Pullman. Meredith left out a few intimate details, but she suspected her mother heard what she didn’t say, as well as what she did.

  She didn’t want to lie down and be unable to sleep, so she kept busy. She sent clothing out to the laundry and ran a few errands. When it grew late, she dressed for supper and fashioned her hair.

  Ivan arrived promptly at seven, helped her with her coat and escorted her down to a waiting carriage.

  The hotel dining room would have suited her, but Ivan liked the busy restaurants where he was spotted by colleagues who greeted them and columnists who printed their names in the society news. Voters were everywhere.

  “I’m disappointed you missed Christmas Eve,” he said.

  “It wasn’t my first choice to be stranded in a blizzard, either.”

  “I’m just glad you’re safe and have returned to us.”

  A waiter arrived and uncorked a bottle of champagne.

  “I want to celebrate.” He handed her a glass and raised his. “To your deliverance from the weather and those outlaws—and to us.”

  She touched her glass to his and sipped the bubbly beverage. She loved champagne.

  She told him what had happened with the children that day.

  “They’re better off with people who can take care of them.” He caught the eye of someone at a nearby table and gave a stiff-armed wave and a broad smile.

  Shrimp salads arrived, and she ate half of hers. He had ordered for both of them, without knowing she’d had beef at noon, but she looked at the slices on her plate, thankful it wasn’t ham. She cut and enjoyed steamed asparagus with creamy hollandaise sauce.

  “I’ll have coffee and the lady will take tea,” he said to her waiter.

  “Actually, I’d like coffee, too.”

  He gave her a surprised look. “The lady will have coffee, as well.”

  When they’d finished eating, he reached inside his jacket and withdrew a small black velvet box.

  Here it was, she thought frantically. The proposal she’d missed on Christmas Eve was still forthcoming. It was what she’d been looking forward to. Her heart skipped an erratic beat. Why was she dreading what came next?

  “Meredith, we’ve shown that we are compatible in so many ways.” He named off their shared liking for theater and books and their similar upbringings. “The next step is marriage. I’ve spoken with your father and he wants only your happiness. I assured him I could give you that.”

  Her father had forced her promise that she would marry before the end of this new year. Of course he liked Ivan. They were alike in nearly all ways.

  “You know my aspirations for one day attaining the position of governor. I can’t promise it would be anytime soon, but already I can offer you a stately home and excellent social standing. You will lack for nothing.”

  Not to mention her inheritance upon her marriage. That was a tidy sum. Meredith waited, thinking over his words. Was that it then? Had that been his proposal?

  She didn’t fool herself that there was anything romantic about his proposition. It fell short of her expectations, but she wasn’t saying no. If they married they would be able to adopt the Langley kids. “What month were you planning a wedding?”

  “June would be convenient and conventional.”

  “What about sooner?”

  He raised his eyebrows. “We can certainly discuss an earlier date.”

  She rested her napkin beside her plate and finished her champagne. “I need some time to think about it. At least a few days.”

  He blinked his surprise. Had he expected her to fall at his feet in grateful acceptance? “Yes. Take all the time you need.”

  She slid her chair back. “I’m tired, Ivan. I’m ready to go back to my hotel.”

  “I’ll pay the check and go get your coat.”

  “I’ll get my coat.” She left him standing beside the table and headed for the hat check room.

  She missed her fur, but it had been sent for cleaning. The young man found her sapphire blue wool coat and helped her into it. She tipped him and stood just inside the door, waiting for Ivan. Her head swam with questions about what she should do next. Marrying him would provide the solution she needed to keep Hayden and Jillian from a fate in an orphanage.

  She’d promised she would do anything required to place them in a loving home. Even if it meant marrying Ivan.

  Her father would be pleased.

  Ivan joined her and led her outside, where a flurry of snowflakes greeted them. The falling snow reminded her of the trek she and Jonah had taken into the wilderness when they’d escaped the Pullman.

  She pushed that from her mind to focus on the here and now.

  They reached her hotel, and Ivan assisted her from the carriage.

  “Thank you for the lovely dinner.”

  “I should see you inside.”

  She didn’t want to invite him and offer him a drink as she’d done before. She wanted time alone. “No need to bother. You’ve seen me to the hotel entrance. I’ll contact you in a day or two.”

  His expression showed his mystification with her brisk manner. “Good night, Meredith.”

  “Good night.” She hurried inside and dashed up the stairs.

  She let herself into her room quietly, so her mother wouldn’t hear her from the suite next door. In the dark, she found her way around to undress. She efficiently changed into her nightgown and robe. The layout was familiar. Because her father spent nearly all his time here now, she stayed here nearly as much as at her family home. Her mother still preferred Pennsylvania, so the division had changed things. At last Meredith lit a single lamp in the bedroom and stretched out upon the bed.

  A week ago she’d been focused on her arrival and the proposal that awaited her. That proposal had only been delayed, and it hadn’t taken place amid the gaiety of the holiday celebration.

  Only one thing had changed between leaving Philadelphia and arriving in Denver. Two children had stolen her heart.

  Everything else was the same. Her father still expected her to marry soon. Ivan was still her best prospect.

  Why did she have so many misgivings now that he’d actually proposed? Why did she have such a burning need to escape his presence? Maybe she suspected he would make up her mind for her. Maybe she feared she was too weak or didn’t have a good enough reason to say no. She hated facing those possibilities.

  She fluffed the pillows and forced herself to relax. She still hadn’t caught up on sleep, and now this dilemma had been added to the list of worries that kept her awake.

  In the back of her mind, a glaring flaw waited to be recognized. She didn’t want to take it out and examine it. She’d always harbored a secret fear of feeling ordinary. One of her flaws had always been dreaming too big and wishing for the perfect love, the perfect life and then being disappointed that reality wasn’t as grand or as satisfying.

  She didn’t want to cloud her decision with foolishness or unrealistic dreams. She didn’t want to be disappointed.

  But there it was, a fact. The reality. Ivan hadn’t mentioned love.

  There was too much at stake to be swayed by emotion.

  The lamp burned down. Meredith lay in the dark, listening to the muted sounds
of the street below. She slept and dreamed of Hayden and Jillian living in an orphanage, writing her letters and begging her to come for them.

  When she woke, she knew what she had to do.

  In the days that followed, Meredith talked over marriage to Ivan with her mother.

  “Are you certain you want to take on the responsibility of children who already come with a set of life problems? It can be difficult to establish a married life without children—or with your own babies. How does Ivan feel about this?”

  Straightaway she sent a note to Ivan, asking him to meet her in the hotel dining room that evening.

  Once they were seated, he gave their order to the waiter.

  “I prefer the salmon.”

  She’d interrupted, and he gave her an odd glance.

  “I would like salmon for supper,” she clarified. “Not the brisket.”

  Ivan gave the waiter an apologetic shrug. “The lady will have the salmon.”

  The hotel employee hurried away.

  “Have you come to a conclusion?” Ivan asked, once they were alone.

  “I have to talk to you first, because actually the final decision will be up to you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well.” She straightened her silverware, planning how to approach these things. “First, and this is really just a small thing, but something I feel strongly about, I prefer to order for myself. I’m perfectly capable of selecting food and seeing myself about the city without an escort.”

  “Surely that will change once you’re married and you have a husband to do those things for you.”

  “No. It won’t. Will that be a problem?”

  “I suppose not. Not if it makes you happy.”

  “Good. Now, this other subject is life-changing and I understand it will take some thought.”

  “You have me curious.”

  “It’s about the Langley children.”

  “What about them?”

  She could tell he’d already forgotten them until she brought them up. “I promised them I’d do everything in my power to give them a good home and a family who wants and loves them.”

  “The law will work on that, won’t they?”

  “The law will send them to an orphanage, where they may or may not find them homes. And there’s no guarantee they’d be good homes.”

  “We could offer financial support, could we not?”

  “I want to adopt them. Make a family for them and raise them.”

  He blinked and his mouth opened and shut before he could get something out. “I’m sure there’s another family who would take them.”

  “I want them.”

  “I don’t think you know what you’d be letting us in for here.”

  “I believe I do. I’ve made them a promise. I intend to keep it.”

  “You can keep it by visiting them.”

  “I want to adopt them, Ivan. Have you heard what I’m saying?”

  “They are the offspring of a criminal, Meredith.”

  “That makes no difference to me.”

  “They’re bad seed. They could grow up to murder us in our sleep.”

  “They are not bad seed.” Her hackles rose at his callous remark. “They are smart and funny and so far have survived a difficult childhood. And I want them.”

  “You sound like a spoiled child.”

  She pressed her hands flat on the tablecloth and drilled him with a challenging stare. “I’m not a child. I am not making this decision lightly. If you can’t agree to allowing us to adopt them once we’re married, then I can’t marry you.”

  A muscle in his jaw ticked. He wasn’t pleased, but she had to know where they stood. She had her mind made up.

  After a moment, he relaxed his posture. “Very well. If you’re certain this is what will make you happy, I will agree.”

  Meredith didn’t feel the relief she hoped for. Their meals arrived, and she ate because her body needed the fuel. She didn’t taste a thing.

  “Can you make a decision now?” Ivan asked.

  “I believe so. We will talk tomorrow. Thank you for meeting me.” She laid down her napkin and stood.

  He started to get to his feet but she raised a hand to stop him. “Please excuse me now.”

  She left him at the table wearing a perplexed expression.

  That night she again dreamed of Hayden and Jillian. She also relived the dream where she and Jonah were together on a warm day. Apple blossoms rained from the sky like huge flakes of feathery light snow.

  She was in his arms, waiting for him to kiss her. She leaned into him and strained upward. Yearning.

  He released her to turn away. “I can’t kiss you.”

  “Of course you may.” She wanted this kiss!

  “You’re a married woman, Meredith. We won’t be seeing each other again.”

  She woke from that dream with tears slipping from her eyes to the pillow. Was that what she could expect her future to feel like? Would marriage to Ivan be painful because she had denied her heart and her dreams?

  Ivan may not have spoken of love, but neither had Jonah.

  She sat and wiped her face on her sleeve.

  But she hadn’t allowed herself to even consider love because she was so afraid of never having it—afraid of letting emotions rule her decisions.

  She didn’t love Ivan, of that much she was sure. She definitely had feelings for Jonah, and she loved the way he made her feel. She liked everything about him, actually.

  Not only was he brave and resourceful, he’d been nothing but kind and generous to Hayden and Jillian. He’d put their safety above his own. He hadn’t made promises he couldn’t keep, but he’d done everything within his power to protect them and to provide for their future.

  She thought of the way his cheeks creased when he smiled. She remembered his low-timbered laugh and the feel of his arms around her.

  Meredith presented herself as headstrong and confident—fearless in the face of danger…but she was a coward. At the thought of being rejected or not matching up to his expectations, fear gripped her heart. Her greatest fear was that she didn’t deserve more than the way her father treated her—that she was merely window dressing.

  She didn’t believe Jonah saw her that way, but did she mean anything beyond duty to him?

  If she simply went to Ivan and agreed to marry him, she would never know.

  If she risked her pride and went to Jonah, she might be hurt, but at least she’d be certain she’d given hope a chance.

  She lay awake until the first embers of dawn crept between the drapes, and then she dressed, arranged her hair and left her room.

  Jonah woke to the sounds of carriages on the street below. He’d had a message from Swope the night before. Judge Martin would hear their case that day.

  He got up, washed and made shaving lather in cold water.

  A tap on his door started him.

  He set down the razor and picked up his .45 before crossing the room. “Yeah?”

  “It’s me, Meredith.”

  He opened the door. “Something wrong?”

  She wore a dark green coat with a fur-lined hood. Her eyes were round and he had the impression she was frightened.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “May I come in?”

  He stepped back. “Yes, of course.”

  “I came to speak with you.” She glanced at his bare chest, at the white lather on his face. “This isn’t a good time.”

  “It’s fine. Let me finish and put on a shirt.” He gestured to a straight chair. “Have a seat.”

  She went directly to it, perched, then stood to remove her coat and hang it on an empty hook. Sitting again, she watched him.

  Jonah raised the razor to his cheek and scraped whiskers with a loud rasp. He rinsed the blade and made another swipe.

  “Oh, this is ridiculous.” She stood and marched up beside him. “I’m sitting over there like we’re strangers.”

  “Pretty unseemly
for you to be in my room.”

  “We’ve slept together,” she pointed out. “Shared more than one rather enjoyable kiss.”

  “That was a different circumstance.” He tried not to let her words affect him so he wouldn’t slice off his nose. He finished the job and wiped his face clean with a damp towel.

  “So you place all the focus on our situation. In other words you would never have been drawn to me if you’d met me in a different place and time.”

  “Learned a lot about you that I wouldn’t have in another place and time.”

  “Such as?” she asked.

  “You here begging compliments?” He reached for his shirt.

  She grabbed him arm and stopped him. “I’m not begging compliments. I’m just pointing out we’re not strangers.”

  “Both of us are better off forgetting about that.”

  “I can’t stop wondering if that’s true,” she said.

  “It’s true. You have a plan. Or should I call him a fiancé by now?”

  “No. But he has proposed…technically, I suppose.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “He made his points about why it would be wise for us to marry.”

  He used one hand to disengage her fingers from the other arm and picked up the shirt. “Did you agree?”

  The muscles in his chest and shoulders flexed as he shrugged into the shirt.

  “I haven’t agreed because I can’t stop thinking of you. I dream about you. You enter my every thought and conversation. You’re stuck in my head. I couldn’t move forward with my life until I made certain about something.”

  “What?”

  “That you don’t return those feelings for me.” She looked into his eyes, and there was no avoiding her directness. “I think I’ve fallen in love with you. I’m prepared for you to laugh or turn me away. But I’m not prepared to live my life without taking a risk and asking.”

  The ache in Jonah’s chest was unfamiliar. Almost pain, almost pleasure, it grew in intensity as he absorbed her words and the meaning behind them. “I’m not going to laugh, Meredith. And I could never turn you away.”

  He saw a glimmer of hope in her eyes…a glimmer that sent his heart soaring.