A Love Worth Waiting For and Heaven Knows Read online

  Her laughter rang on the wind, light and merry. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t laugh. It’s just…pom-poms aren’t you, Noah.”

  “When a man has cold ears, he has to lower his pride a bit.”

  “A bit?” She doubled over, laughing.

  Okay, she was going to be sorry now. He took off, full power, hitting the slope just right, sailing toward her before she could straighten up. Her last chuckle lingered in the chilly air as he soared past.

  He had the advantage now, but he suspected not for long. When he glanced over his shoulder, there she was, gaining ground. He looked forward to the rest of the race.

  And the finish.

  The sun was sinking low between the snowy peaks, their jagged faces shot through with cool lemony light, making Julie squint as she trekked up the slope steep enough to need a rope tow. Every muscle she owned burned as if she’d been lit on fire from the inside. Her lungs hurt. Her feet felt like forty-pound dumbbells.

  What she really wanted to do was collapse in a heap, let the cold snow cool her down and never move again.

  “Slowing down a little?”

  How did he still have enough energy to be saucy? Ooh, she was gonna make him pay. Come suppertime, she’d order the most expensive thing on the menu.

  Not that it would begin to put a dent in his wallet, but it was the principle of the thing. He’d tortured her every single yard of this marathon course. She couldn’t let him get away without some sort of penalty, right?

  “Careful. I’m catching up.”

  “It’s those long legs of yours.” She had to work twice as hard, and he was right there, trying to push past her. Again. She had to dig deeper and find just enough strength to keep ahead of him. Air rushed into her chest. A stitch dug into her left side. Her thigh muscles felt as wobbly as jelly.

  No, she couldn’t let him win! He was at her elbow, then pulling ahead as the trail end marker came into sight around the last bend. She couldn’t do it. He nosed ahead, fighting just as hard, and the tip of his ski slid across the shadow made by the end post, a mere inch in front of hers.

  “I can’t believe I beat you.” Panting heavily, Noah tumbled into the snow on his back. “I’ll never move again, but, wow. I won.”

  “Yes, you did.” His skis stuck up, in her way, and she skidded to a stop before colliding into him. “Congratulations, pom-pom man.”

  “Glad I’ve got your respect. I know I’m dashing in this hat. I’m gonna keep it.” He was kidding, but he was charming and wonderful and made her happy, so she didn’t care if she ever saw her hat again.

  All she wanted was the man in it. She loved him. How could that be? She’d vowed not to love him, but the affection in her heart was too strong to hold back.

  It was hard to keep the emotion from her voice as she held out her hand. “You look like you need some help.”

  “Thanks. I think I can move now.” He sat up and climbed onto his skis under his own power. “You made me work for it. I haven’t tried so hard since…” He shook his head, scattering powdery snow. “I can’t remember when. I’ve won a free dinner. Wow.”

  “Wait, don’t say it—”

  “And I’m ordering the most expensive meal in the house,” he interrupted. “Isn’t that what you planned to do?”

  “Me? Never. Well, maybe.”

  Laughing, victorious and exhausted, Noah led the way to the lodge. He felt so alive. And he knew whom to thank. So he helped her with her skis and let her choose a table close to the crackling fire.

  “This place serves the best hot chocolate on the planet.” He told her, as he tugged the pom-pom hat from his head. “And it’s my treat.”

  “Oh, I thought the loser had to pay.”

  “Right, but even losers deserve chocolate.” He kissed her cheek, light and sweet.

  The sunshine streaming through the window seemed a little brighter when Julie smiled.

  Armed with movies for their movie marathon, to be held in Noah’s living room after dinner, Julie waited as he held the video store’s heavy glass door.

  “I notice you’re guarding the bag,” Noah commented as he followed her onto the covered sidewalk. “Not a bad plan, considering if I accidentally misplaced those movies, then we could get those action flicks I wanted to see.”

  “I did offer, but you said losers deserved to pick out the movies. It’s your own fault.” She swung the plastic bag, sporting four movies. “Winners deserve to be tormented by chick flicks.”

  “Torture by romantic comedy. I think I can take it like a man.” He winked, limping a little from their hard day on the snow.

  “What’s wrong with a little romance?”

  “Not one thing.” Trouble flickered in his eyes. “We’ve got a few minutes before our reservation. You sit right here.”

  “On that bench?” A cast-iron bench leaned against the wall of the florist shop. “No way. That is one cold bench. I’d be frozen solid in an hour if I sat there.”

  “Then stand here looking gorgeous.” Noah brushed his lips against her cheek in a brief kiss, breathing in the strawberry scent of her hair and her skin. “I’ll be right back.”

  “Ditching me already?”

  “Not a chance of that. You wait and see.” Because a woman who was buying him dinner deserved flowers, he stepped into the florist shop.

  A bell jangled overhead, and a cheerful clerk stepped up to the counter. “Can I help you, sir?”

  “What kind of roses do you have?” He waited while the clerk returned with samples of various roses. He considered the rich colors, yellow and red and pink and orange, but he kept going back to the white rose. Good and pure and true. It seemed the right choice.

  While the clerk rang up the purchase, he could see Julie through the front window. She was leaning against a wood post, watching the activity on the street. The breeze had tangled her dark hair hopelessly and she looked…good and pure and true.

  He took the flowers, wrapped in pink paper, and left. The bell jangled above the door, and Julie turned at the sound. He watched her gaze snap to the flowers.

  Delight lit her up. “For me?”

  “For the loveliest woman I know.”

  The delicate fragrance filled the air between them as she took the bouquet. The daylight was fading, shrouding them in blue-gray shadows. “Movies, compliments and flowers. It doesn’t get much better than this.”

  “That’s the idea.” He brushed tangles from her face with his leather gloves, a gentle brush that made Julie love him, again, a little bit more until there was nothing but the shining brightness of it, filling her up.

  “Now,” he said, steering her toward the finest restaurant in the village, “I’m getting hungry for my lobster dinner.”

  “Lobster? Sure you don’t want bread and water?”

  “As long as I’m with you, water would taste like hot chocolate.” He resisted the urge to steal back his hat, for she was wearing it, and took her hand instead.

  “Popcorn’s ready,” Noah called from downstairs. “How about you?”

  “I’ll be there in two seconds.” Julie found her bunny slippers in the bottom of the suitcase she borrowed from Granddad and slipped her feet into them.

  She felt like warm, melted butter from an hour spent in the hot tub. Her muscles had hurt something fierce when she’d tried to get up from the dinner table, so the jetted hot water was exactly what she needed.

  It was so incredibly relaxing as they sat together in the huge Jacuzzi with the deliciously hot water bubbling between them. Sipping on lemon-flavored mineral water, they watched the full moon slip behind dark clouds. As they talked, snow began to fall. Big white flakes tumbled over them to melt in the steam.

  So she was feeling better, and her favorite pair of sweats felt like pure bliss on her skin. But it wasn’t the time spent in the hot tub or the fabulous bedroom of Noah’s sister’s that she was in or the luxurious house or the sumptuous dinner of lobster and filet mignon. All the expensive and wonderful thi
ngs in the world couldn’t matter to her.

  Just Noah. He made her feel this way. As if she were so happy, she would burst. As if there were so much love in her heart, it would lift her off the ground like a giant helium balloon. Every moment she spent with him made her love him more. Every time he made her laugh. Every time he smiled at her.

  If only he loved her in return.

  How was she going to hide her love for him? How could she go downstairs, sit on the couch at his side, share a bowl of popcorn and pretend that he was only her friend, just a skiing buddy?

  I can do this. She paused at the door, pressed off the light switch and followed the row of elegant wall sconces to the wide, curving staircase. The sound of the television grew louder as she went. There, in the great room below, was Noah slipping a DVD into the player.

  “Hey, you look ready to relax.” Crouched on one knee, the lamplight burnished the wide span on his shoulders and the curve of his rugged face, a face that had become so dear to her. “Love the slippers.”

  “Thanks.” She skipped down the stairs, keeping a tight hold of her heart. “The popcorn smells perfect. Light, fluffy. Buttery.”

  “Of course it’s perfect. Did you have any doubts? I excel in many fields. Business. Computers. And the most important one of all, the fine art of popcorn popping.” He held out his hand, palm up, inviting her close. “I used extra butter, just for you.”

  It was impossible to resist placing her hand on his. Her feet moved of their own volition, drawing her to him. She was hardly aware of settling down on the incredibly comfortable sofa or Noah moving away to dim the lights as the movie started. She could tell herself a thousand times that Noah Ashton wasn’t the man for her. But it didn’t matter. Not one bit. She still loved him.

  “Lemon or raspberry?” He held out two chilled bottles of tea. “Wait, I bet you want raspberry. There are napkins on the coffee table. Go ahead and put your feet up on the coffee table. I do.”

  The leather made the softest rustle as he sat next to her. Not right next to her, but close enough to make her wish he would sit closer. If only she had the right to snuggle against his side and feel the weight of his arm across her shoulders.

  Some dreams were simply not meant for her.

  Every leg muscle Noah owned protested as he limped down the hall. Maybe his body was protesting the extremely early hour, but it was more likely the exertion from yesterday’s skiing contest. Remembering the pleasant and companionable dinner Julie had bought him, made the pain worth it. He loved spending time with her, just talking about little things or nothing at all.

  “Julie?” He rapped his knuckles against the paneled door. “Are you up?”

  “My spirit is willing, but the rest of me isn’t,” came the muffled answer.

  “Well, tell your spirit to drag the rest of you out here. We’re running out of time.” He knocked again. “Don’t you want to help me realize one of my dreams?”

  “No.” There was a smile in the sound of her voice, if he wasn’t mistaken. “No one has the right to dream after only four hours of sleep.”

  “Who needs sleep?” Their movie marathon had lasted well past midnight. “Do I have to come in there with a vat of cold water?”

  “A vat, huh? That I’d like to see.” The door opened, and she was there, dressed in jeans and a sweater. Her rainbow scarf was slung around her neck, and her hair was sleep tousled and wildly framing her face. “I’m ready and willing. I’m not sure about being able, but I’ll try.”

  “Have a few sore muscles?”

  “Why, do you?”

  He limped after her. “About a hundred.”

  “Me, too.” They limped down the hall together.

  In the kitchen, he helped her slip into her warm jacket. The scent of strawberries clung faintly to the fabric and to the tousled strands of her hair. He found her mittens for her and knelt down to help her with her boots. His muscles protested, but he didn’t mind. Any woman who’d get up with him this early in the morning deserved a little first-class treatment.

  “A double latte with hazelnut flavoring, as you requested.” He held out the insulated mug, the black plastic cover locked in place. “And one for me.”

  “You must want to get me out of the house pretty badly.” She wrapped her scarf around her neck and worked her jacket’s zipper up to her throat. “To help me with my boots and make my coffee.”

  “Yep. I’ve done this only once before, but I remember how fantastic it was. You wait and see. Getting up this early and halfway freezing to death is going to be worth it.” He opened the door for her. “Trust me.”

  Trust him? She did. With all her heart.

  The snow was crusty. The minus-degree temperatures felt bitterly cold on her face. She nudged the scarf so it covered her nose, and followed Noah down the icy steps and through the dark, silent trees.

  “Careful. It’s slick.” Noah took her free hand, his fingers lacing through hers, holding her steady so she would not fall. “Look.”

  She couldn’t see anything but him. He was her entire world, the dark rim of night and the stars winking out were nothing compared to the warm solid feel of his hand linked with hers. Then he gestured toward the eastern rim, where the faintest gray had replaced the inky blackness of night. The glacier-capped mountains glowed dark and mysterious.

  Slowly the light changed. Gray became purple, then blue and crimson. Peach and pink crept over the horizon to brush subtle strokes across the cloudless sky and hushed peaks.

  “This is what I wanted to see.” Noah’s voice came rough and raw, and he didn’t bother to hide the emotion gleaming in his eyes. “This is the one thing I wanted to see one last time.”

  “You wanted to see the sun rise? Doesn’t it do that every day in New York?”

  “Just keep watching. I promise. It’s going to be spectacular. A once-in-a-lifetime view.” He whispered, because the peace of the morning strengthened, like a symphony’s crescendo.

  There. The first ray of golden light stabbed through the jagged peak of the lowest mountain. Bright, eye-stinging light that was bold enough to chase the darkness across the width of the sky. As if gathering courage, more light punched above the craggy peaks, illuminating the valleys and slopes of the mountains. All at once, the top curve of the sun thrust into the sky, changing the gray to blue and the shadowed world into a thousand shades of color.

  “‘The Lord is the light by which we see,’” Julie whispered.

  “Yes. I thought of that verse, too.” He tightened his grip on her, holding her tight, drawing her close.

  Too many emotions warred deep within him to begin to name them all. He only knew that he was moved beyond words. That his faith in the Lord was stronger now. Strong enough to help him face the hardships ahead; powerful enough to be a light for his path.

  “I saw this by accident on one of the few times I ever came here.” He set his coffee on a boulder tucked into the slope behind them and took Julie’s other hand. So small, so right, in his. “I was up early to make a conference call, and I saw this from the living room window. There was too much glare inside the house—I had the lights on—so I grabbed my coat, left the phone and went outside. I felt called to it. I don’t know why….”

  He held on to her so tightly. “I watched the sun rise into the sky like a promise of life, and I was too afraid to let it move through me and change me. So I went back inside and found the phone and picked up practically where I’d left off. I lived my life as if it had never happened. I don’t want to make that mistake again. Whatever time I have left, I’m going to make count.”

  “Sounds like the right path.” Julie heard the affection in her voice. The love she could no longer hide. It swept her away, lifted her up, so beautiful and infinite and true.

  He had to know it. His eyes grew dark as he turned to her, reaching out. The first brush of his gloved fingertips felt like a dream against her cheek. He nudged her scarf down, so it drooped beneath her chin, exposing half her face
to the crisp mountain air.

  He’s going to kiss me, she realized, and everything inside her stilled. It didn’t seem real as he leaned forward, his gaze searching hers so deeply, she felt her soul stir. Felt as if he saw everything inside her, all her love, all her fears, all her needs.

  Then his hand cupped her jaw tenderly, such a welcome touch, and his lips slanted over hers. His kiss was warm and gentle, as sure as a kept promise. She’d found her Prince Charming, the one man who could make her spirit complete and heal the broken places in her heart.

  Noah’s kiss was like a dream, something too precious and rare to be real. He didn’t love her, of course. He was simply carried away by the moment and his regrets, that was all. She couldn’t take this kiss seriously. She couldn’t begin to start dreaming. Noah Ashton was never going to love her, never going to slip a wedding ring on her finger, never going to hold their baby in his arms. And why was this happening? Why was she wanting everything she could never have?

  She broke away, quietly burying the love in her heart. Noah didn’t want her, not truly. How could he?

  Help me, Father. Please help me protect my heart. Help me to do this the right way. She would be strong. Noah gazed down at her, his hand at her jaw, his emotions tender in his eyes, in his voice, in his touch. “What a beautiful way to start the day.”

  He broke her heart wide open with his words, and she couldn’t speak. It struck her like the cold wind, and she felt it all the way to the marrow of her bones. She would love him. Always.

  “Are you hungry?” Noah asked, as courteous as always. “Let’s hike down to the inn.”

  “Sure.”

  It took all her courage to follow him down the trail past the house of wood and stone, as his friend and not as the woman who loved him.

  Noah couldn’t seem to make his hands stop shaking. Nothing like this had ever happened to him before. He folded the last sweater into his suitcase and went in search for the rest of his socks. Packing to leave wasn’t what was important, but he felt as if he had to find every last sock. Maybe because it was easier to be unsettled over misplaced articles of clothing than the real, honest-to-goodness fact that he’d kissed Julie. A full-fledged kiss that continued to affect him—he glanced at the alarm clock by the bed—seventy-three minutes later.