Night Hawk'S Bride (Tyler) (Harlequin Historical Series, No 558) Page 12

  “Loving you is not wrong, shaylee.” When he should be pushing her away, he drew her into his arms. He could not bear if she thought— “You cannot have things both ways. You either decide to claim me or you don’t.”

  “But—”

  “No. I will not let you change my mind. I cannot yield, Marie.” He hauled the canoe up the shore out of the water’s reach. “Take the time you need with your father. If you still love me, then come to me rightfully. Or not at all.”

  “You’re making me choose between my father and you.” She couldn’t believe he didn’t understand. “If I have to, I will choose you, Night Hawk. Are you afraid I won’t?”

  “I’m afraid of making you pregnant, and your father sending you back to Ohio before my son can be born here with my name.” He looked dark with fury, hard with pain. “The clan of Hawk is one of honor. I cannot destroy who I am. Not even for you.”

  “I would never ask you to—”

  “You already have.”

  How had this happened? Didn’t Night Hawk want her? His words taunted her, slicing like a blade with every breath. “You’re afraid that my love for you isn’t strong enough in case my father opposes us.”

  A muscle jumped along his jaw. “My love is strong enough.”

  Without saying the words, he accused her. Their love was new, but if it were true then he should have no doubts. No doubts about her fidelity. About her devotion to him.

  That made her question if he loved her at all. “How could you think I would leave you? After what we—” The lovemaking, his vows of love and her dreams all shattered into irrevocable pieces.

  Had she been that wrong? she wondered wildly. Night Hawk strode toward her as if he were preparing another lecture on his honor. The pain of her heart breaking had her running toward town, Meka barking at her heels.

  “Marie! Wait!” Night Hawk called after her.

  The bonnet slipped from her fingers and rolled onto the leaf-covered grass. She kept going, not caring. Let Night Hawk call to her. Let him chase her. She had a good head start, and he didn’t really want to catch her. He didn’t believe that after pledging her life, her body and her heart that her love was as strong as his.

  Maybe she was too young. She had no experience with men. With her aunt far away in Ohio, she had no one to trust. No one to ask for advice. What had Night Hawk said about her loss of virginity?

  Any man who truly loves you is going to understand. He’ll forgive you.

  “Marie!” Night Hawk was dangerously close.

  She ran harder. What would she say to the man who had no faith in her? Who made her question her faith in him?

  She broke through the trees and onto the road. She raced into the shadows of the fort and never looked back.

  “I saw you with the colonel’s daughter.” Running Deer’s accusation held immeasurable disdain. “What were you doing on the lake with her? Teaching her to fish?”

  “None of your concern.” Seeing Running Deer was the last kick in the bucket of a bad day. His argument with Marie left him weak and frustrated. As much as he loved her, as much as he would sacrifice to be with her, why had he ever thought there was a chance for them?

  The pain inside him swelled like a festering wound, and he spun away from Running Deer, who was eyeing his latest batch of foals.

  “Doing well for yourself. Farming land. Making white man’s money.” Running Deer wouldn’t relent. “Do you think that you’ll take her for a wife and fit in? Will you betray our people’s ways completely?”

  “I have betrayed no one.” Night Hawk hated the vehemence in his own voice. He was upset over Marie and anger was no way to handle Running Deer. “Why have you come?”

  “I’ve decided to travel to the western mountains. To this place our leader says is green and blessed.” Running Deer stopped to covet a fine young mare in her stall.

  “You would take your pregnant wife on a dangerous journey?” Night Hawk roared, unable to hold back his outrage. “Spring Rain does not look well.”

  “She is not your wife, though often I have thought you wanted her.”

  “She was my brother’s wife and love of his life, and I swore on his deathbed I would care for her as a sister. You know this to be true.” Thinking of his beloved brother, dead from wounds he received in the Great War when Night Hawk was but fourteen, was a great grief. “You will leave soon?”

  “Within the next few weeks. I wish to leave immediately, but there is much to do.” Running Deer ran his hand down the mare’s neck as if calculating her worth. “White Hawk wants you to come with us. He said there is a place for you. I have no doubts he will groom you to replace him.”

  “He is a great leader, and you know my aspirations lie elsewhere.” Night Hawk steeled his will. He would not fight with Running Deer. “I will not be leaving.”

  “Set your sights higher, have you? The pompous colonel will have no choice to accept an Indian for a son-in-law if his daughter is carrying your son.”

  “Marie has been good to your children and kind to Morning Star. You have no reason to malign her.”

  “If she takes you from your duties to the clan, then that is reason enough.” Fierce, Running Deer fisted his hands. “I will send word to White Hawk that you have forsaken us all.”

  Night Hawk kept his temper until he was alone. His curse echoed in the rafters and startled swallows from their nests in the loft. The horses protested by neighing in their stalls. The wounded blue hawk squawked nervously in his nest.

  Night Hawk whistled to Shadow, and leaped on the stallion’s back in midstride. They took off together, racing the wind through wild meadows and endless forest.

  As fast as Shadow galloped, it wasn’t enough to escape the anguish in Night Hawk’s heart.

  Henry wasn’t home. Another emergency had come up at the Meyers’s homestead, Mrs. Olstad explained as she polished the parlor furniture. More trouble with the bear.

  Great. That made it difficult to have a private conversation with her father. Marie headed out the back door and took sanctuary in the private fenced yard.

  The garden was fallow, the last of the pumpkins long since picked and stored. The remaining leaves tumbled from the maple. The bare limbs were stark against the graying sky. Dusk came early this time of year.

  She sat on the wooden bench, huddling in her woolen cloak for warmth. But the air cooled and the sun sank below the horizon. Her breath clouded in the crisp air and fog collected on the ground, a strange mist that rose upward, shrouding all but the tallest of tree branches from her sight.

  He loves me, I know he does. She had to believe that. To think anything else would hurt too much. Now that she was calmer, she thought over what had happened in the canoe. Night Hawk’s words. The anguish on his face.

  I am afraid of making you pregnant, he’d said. The clan of Hawk is one of honor.

  He wasn’t rejecting her, she realized. He was taking care of her. Acting in a way he believed would be best for both of them.

  He was right. She’d been reckless, a romantic daydreamer as always, so carried away by her powerful love she hadn’t stopped to think. To consider Henry’s opposition to a match like theirs. They shouldn’t heedlessly make love until their future was assured.

  What if she carried his child? She laid her hand over her stomach. How she wished with all her heart that she was. But she doubted she was that lucky. Wouldn’t a baby solve everything?

  No, it wouldn’t erase the terrible torment she’d witnessed on Night Hawk’s face. He’d spoken of honor while she tried to seduce him. All she could think about was being with him. Loving him. She was old enough to temper her desire with reason and couldn’t.

  Is that why he seemed to doubt the strength of her love?

  Troubled, she sat until dusk became darkness and ice frosted the ground.

  Tired of tossing and turning, Night Hawk crawled from his bed. He could not sleep without dreaming of Marie, passionate and sweet, ardent and tender. How he hun
gered for her. Memories of her in his bed tortured him.

  For a short foolish time, he’d let his heart rule his head. She was so beautiful and as kind and tender as dawn. How could he resist loving her? Keep from wanting her here forever?

  She wasn’t certain. That’s what it came down to. The true crux of the issue. She couldn’t displease her father even for love.

  He wanted to hate her for it, but he could never hate her. He loved her from the depth of his being, and he always would. Whether she came to him or not.

  She was young. He had to remember that. Even though he was only a year older, he’d known a world that had hardened and aged him. She’d been raised as the colonel’s cherished daughter.

  What real chance did he have to make her his?

  None at all, he feared. He stared at the heavens for much of the night, watching the stars journey across the endless sky.

  Black, barren boughs raked across the coal-black clouds. Marie’s boots crackled on the frozen ground, accompanied by an armed soldier. The wind cut through her wool cloak like a sharpened blade, but the discomfort couldn’t match the one inside her heart.

  Many weeks had passed, and she hadn’t seen Night Hawk. He hadn’t come to her. She hadn’t gone to him because the fort was on alert.

  A cougar had nearly attacked a child at the Meyers’s homestead. The father had frightened the wildcat with a panicked gunshot, but a farmer’s musket was no match for the dangerous predator. The child had made it to the house in time, without injury, but the settlers’ panic could be felt like the chill wind.

  To search out Night Hawk would be foolhardy. And even if she did, what would she say to him? That her father was so busy hunting the cougar and seeing to the settlers’ safety, she hadn’t seen him. Or had the chance to tell him about her love for Night Hawk. Would Night Hawk understand?

  Smoke already curled out of the schoolhouse’s chimney. Marie pushed open the door to find Major Gerard kneeling in front of the hearth adding fuel to the fledgling fire. The two Holmberg children huddled close, still in their wraps, their little faces red with the cold.

  “I’m early, I know.” Ned set the wood in the flames and grabbed the metal poker. “A few men were sick this morning and we were one soldier short, so I decided to fill in. I’m heading back out to the Braun farm. Morning Star won’t be returning to school. Something about the whole family moving farther west.”

  “The whole family?”

  “That’s what Running Deer said.” Ned shrugged good-naturedly as he dug into the flames. More air made the fire roar brighter, radiating more heat for the students. “If you want to take over, I’ll head out and bring in the Braun children. Guarding them is the best we can do until your father brings in that cougar.”

  “Are the men still out hunting? Papa didn’t come home last night.”

  “He slept in the barracks for a few hours, and he’s back out with the tracking party.” Ned grabbed his musket from the corner and slung it over his shoulder. “At least he’s too busy to try and marry the two of us off.”

  With a wink, the major strode out into the cold.

  Hours later, when her students were quietly studying, she felt a tingle at the back of her neck. She looked up from her work. The curtain was pulled back to let in the precious warmth of the sun. Through the glass she saw a dark horse and rider trotting by on the lane. Night Hawk.

  He looked so good. Powerful, dignified, he guided his stallion bareback through the busy street. Love for him welled within her like a too-full cup. She craved his touch. Needed his lovemaking. Ached to hold him one more time.

  He halted Shadow in front of the mercantile and swung to the ground with an inbred grace. The shoppers and soldiers around him didn’t acknowledge him with greetings. Like a stranger alone among friends, he opened the front door and stepped into the shop and out of her sight.

  Her conscience smarted. For some reason she recalled Sergeant James’s words the day she’d arrived. Night Hawk doesn’t seem to have much need for us. He’s a real lone wolf type.

  No, she realized. He was protecting himself. He’d been hurt so much. Now his only remaining relatives were moving away. How did a man lose everything and still have the courage to start anew? Surely that’s what he’d done in building his ranch. In laying claim to a new future and working toward it.

  His strength amazed her. She felt small in comparison. A man as noble as Night Hawk deserved a woman who would stand by him. Whom he would never need to doubt.

  Could she be that woman? Would he let her be? She watched until he reappeared, breezing down the mercantile steps with two bulging packs. He didn’t look her way as he mounted Shadow.

  As Night Hawk rode toward the shadowed woods, tiny crystalline snowflakes fell like promises from sky to earth.

  “There is room for one more,” Spring Rain said quietly in their native tongue as she handed him the deerskin pack holding the children’s winter clothing. “I want you to come with us, brother. You will be happier among our own people. Happier living our old way.”

  “I cannot in good conscience leave.” Night Hawk shouldered the pack, hesitating in the cabin’s doorway. Cold wind buffeted him and yet the regret within him was colder still. “My family is buried in the wooded hills I tend and I cannot abandon them.”

  “But to preserve our heritage—”

  “I have not abandoned it.” Night Hawk thought of the horses raised from his father’s herd. His father’s stallion still sired half the annual foals. “I am content with my life.”

  “You are lonely. Without me and Morning Star you will be without family at all.”

  Night Hawk heard what Spring Rain didn’t say as she retreated into the meager lodge. She’d become his only family through these long, difficult years, watching over him as an older sister did while he grew to manhood. He owed her a lot.

  Enough to approach her now. “If you do not wish to leave, you and little Morning Star may stay with me. I will build you a house on the far knoll over-looking the lake. You will have morning sunshine through your windows.”

  Her hands stilled. When she spoke, there were tears in her eyes. “I would love nothing more, but there is Running Deer.”

  “I am not afraid of Running Deer. I care about you, sister. Tell me what you wish and I will do it.”

  Tears brimmed but did not fall. “I cannot leave him. He married me when others wouldn’t. When I was with Swift Hawk’s child and had nothing to bring to a union. Come with us, please. That is my wish.”

  “The one wish I cannot grant and well you know it.” Night Hawk pressed a kiss to his sister’s cheek. “You should not be traveling.”

  “I will be fine.”

  “You can wait until the babe arrives and I will take you to these western mountains myself.”

  The tears fell one at a time, a slow sadness that broke his heart.

  “You are a good man, and I am proud to call you brother.” She pressed her cheek to his chest and let him hold her. How frail she was. Yet her heart was strong and loyal.

  “You help Running Deer with the wigwam.” She stepped back, rubbing away her tears with the heel of her hands. “Go, the travois will be nearly full. Tomorrow we will leave this land forever, and I must not cry.”

  Night Hawk walked out into the yard where the mood was no better. Tiny mistlike snowflakes hung in the air, too fragile to fall. Morning Star bounded up to him, ready to help secure the last pack of the day on the travois.

  “Running Deer says you might come with us.” The girl’s fingers nimbly finished the last knot before Night Hawk could reach it. “Is that true?”

  “No. I intend to stay.” He pulled a small package from his pocket and handed it to her. “To share with your brothers on the trip west.”

  Her eyes lit up when she peered inside the brown wrapping. “Peppermint! Uncle, you know it’s my favorite.”

  “Yes, and this is the last time I’ll be able to spoil you.”

  “Every tim
e I eat peppermint I shall think of you.” Morning Star dove into his arms and he held her, drinking in her child’s sweetness, missing her already.

  “I’ll write you and tell you of the blue hawk’s recovery.”

  Morning Star held on tightly. “I will miss so much.”

  “Yes, but think of the good things to come. Take care of your mother for me?” He smoothed back the dark wisps that had escaped from her braids. “The trip will be hard on her.”

  “I will make all the fires.”

  How could his heart stand one more loss?

  “Soldiers.” Running Deer appeared from the back woods and gestured toward the frozen road. “Two riders.”

  Morning Star darted into the narrow lane. “It’s my teacher!” She took off at a full run, arms flung wide.

  Marie? Why would she come here? Night Hawk fisted his hands, trying to gain control. With the way he felt, he was going to look at Marie and do anything to have her back in his bed.

  A sergeant from the fort trotted into sight, then stopped, keeping a watchful distance. Then Marie rounded the corner on Kammeo, bareback as he’d taught her, although she did use reins. He saw her all in an instant—her wind-reddened cheeks, her sweet oval face, the shadows beneath her eyes and her gentle pride.

  Everything within him ached for her. How could it be? He wanted her so fiercely, this woman who was ashamed of him.

  “Miss Lafayette!” Morning Star’s delighted shriek carried clearly on the crisp winds. “Did you come to tell me goodbye?”

  “I did.” Marie’s smile was genuine as she looked upon the child. “I heard from one of the fort’s majors that you’re leaving tomorrow. I have a gift for you, if it’s all right with your stepfather.”

  Running Deer nodded in agreement.

  Night Hawk watched as Marie held out three books, the same ones she’d lent Morning Star earlier. “When you returned these to me, you told me how much you liked reading the stories. I thought they should be yours.”